Who You Are Meant To Be

While grocery shopping a few weeks ago, I saw a quiz on an Oprah magazine entitled “Who You Are Meant To Be” and was intrigued for the first time by an article in an Oprah magazine. I did manage to keep my willpower and not buy the magazine, assuming that the quiz would be online. Sure enough, I was right.

Taking this quiz shows one thing about Geminis with an artistic temperament – you never fully lean in one particular direction. In the past, quizzes that ended in “Mostly A’s mean” have been unsuccessful in determining my nature, as I would have an almost even mix of each option. Usually there was one option that was significantly lower than the rest, but never an option that has been significantly higher.

In the Who You Were Meant To Be quiz, you are asked a series of questions to find out what you are striving for in life which will define who you want to be. There are seven areas that you can fall into, with most people having one dominate area and strength in two or three areas. I managed to have five strong areas, with no obvious dominance. Here are my five strengths.

I am an Intellectual – Score of 18

While I don’t believe that I come off smug and arrogant, I have to admit that I do withdraw into my own little world of curiousity, inquisitiveness, and deep thought. Any opportunity to work independently with the sciences, technology, business, or psychology is best for someone striving to be knowledgeable.

I am an Artist – Score of 18

Often, I do take the Lone Wolf stance. I am generally content with only having a few close connections between friends and family. The warning for artistic types is not to over dramatize emotions as it may hurt creativity, but I scoff at this. For many artists, over dramatized emotions are the spark of creativity. Culinary arts, architecture, public relations, sculpting, and painting are areas best for someone striving to be creative.

I am a Nurturer – Score of 17

This one goes against the ideals of an independent intellectual or lone wolf artist, but I agree that I have a strong nurturer instinct. Volunteer work, rescuing animals, nursing, teaching, healing, and social work are best for those striving to help.

I am an Adventurer – Score of 17

An inner born entertainer with a restless streak sounds like traits that I have experienced in my lifetime, for better or for worse respectively. The downside to being a risk-loving thrill seeker is falling into self-destructive, impulsive behavior. But when controlled and directed, it can be a great entrepreneurial strength for those striving to be spontaneous.

I am a Stabilizer – Score of 17

Contrary to my spontaneous side, I am very shaken by changing environments which lead to over-controlling behavior and rejection of anything that goes against my picture of stability. While the suggestions for government, military, finance, law enforcement, and product manufacturing do not appeal to me (probably because they go against my creative, spontaneous side), they are good options for those striving to be secure.

Weakest Links

Striving to be in control and striving to be recognized came in as my weakest strengths, with scores of 15 and 12 respectively. Both suggested a career in politics, which is definitely not something I could see myself getting into.

Conclusion

The capacity to have five strengths that often contradict each other seems somewhat absurd, yet it certainly can have its advantages if one can control using the best of the strengths while avoiding the pitfalls of the weaknesses that come with each area.

What Makes Your Problems Bigger Than Everybody Else’s?

Today, I was watching a clip from Good Morning America of the Ally McBeal reunion to celebrate the complete series finally coming to DVD, and at the end of this part of the interview, they shared this short clip where the character Georgia asks Ally…

Georgia: What makes your problems bigger than everybody else’s?

Ally: They’re mine.

There are so many times that you are feeling stressed or upset about something, and you get mad at yourself on top of it all because maybe that something is trivial in the grand scheme of things, or in comparison to what someone else is going through. You think that you don’t “deserve” to be as worked up over a specific issue, and may even feel guilty about discussing it. You may even find yourself sharing your problem with someone, only to have them remind you how insignificant that problem is – like if you are irritated at something going on at work just to be reminded that you should simply be happy to have a job.

While you should consider all of the good things to be grateful for, there are times that your problem is bigger than everything else simply because it is yours. Don’t sweat the small stuff is easy to say to someone else when you are not currently sweating their small stuff. No two people feel, react and deal with things exactly the same. Therefore, while there may be many more tougher trials in life than what you are facing, remember that you can’t get down on yourself for feeling strongly about something – that something is yours to deal with. You, no one else but you, is experiencing it, so you cannot let anyone else or even yourself downplay what is important to you.

When Nice Doesn’t Cut It

I’ve decided to veer off the techie side for this week (until tomorrow’s Fetching Friday, of course). It’s been an emotional week, and one during which I have made some interesting self-discoveries.

The biggest one that I have been learning over the past few months is that nice doesn’t cut it when it comes to getting what you want, and in some cases, deserve. I’ve always been one to be as nice as much as possible when it comes to dealing with other people. I let things slide, I take their feelings into account before my own, I don’t get upset at the people I should get upset at, so on and so forth.

But there have been situations recently that have really required me going against my nature and stepping into the “dark side” as I would like to call it. When you can’t get things done being nice, it is time to start putting your foot down.

Executive Email Carpet Bomb

My first real experience of not playing nice was with a particular financial institution. I have gotten fees that I thought were unfair, and have called in, and let the customer service rep explain their “reasoning” and not pushed it any further, assuming that if they say no, there is nothing more I could do about it. Then one day, I got fees that there was no good explanation for. The customer service rep, as always, told me how “their” system works and why the fees were non-reversible.

So, because customer service was not understanding my point, I took it a step further and sent what is known as an executive email carpet bomb. In this letter, I explained why their system sucked, why I deserved to have the fees reversed, and exactly what I would do if I didn’t receive appropriate resolution, which not only included leaving their institution, but also making sure that they’re name was attached to some detailed articles all around the web about all the reasons of why I left. I also threw in my SEO skills, so that it would be clear that those articles would be found by their potential customers.

The result? I got a call the next business day from the assistant to one of the many upper level executives that received my email. She was actually really nice (nothing like the customer service reps had been) and talked to me for almost an hour, explaining how their system works and how the fees happened. But she also listened to my side and understood why I saw the fees as undeserved. My fees were credited the next day.

Trading Services

A pet peeve that has arose as a result of my freelance work is trading services vs. direct payment. If you go in, and get something done, and you pay for it, then it is done. Whereas, if you are trading services where I do this work for you, and you will do some service in exchange for it, you are stuck in a position where you feel like you owe something to them. I don’t like this feeling. There has to be balance.

When we’re having a meeting about the work I am doing for you, I don’t expect to take the hour we have set aside for that meeting to talk about the service you are doing for me. Just the same, when I come in for the service you are doing for me, I don’t want to talk about the work I’m doing for you. Depending on the service, it can put a real negative energy on the situation, making the service become less beneficial, and not really worth the exchange. There has to be a line, saying this is an appointment where we discuss my work for you, and that is an appointment where we discuss the service I am receiving from you. The two should not mix.

Also, if I am able to pay you for something, let me pay you. Don’t reject my money with the “understanding” that I now owe you something later, whatever that may be. Take the cash or do it for free. Your choice. I don’t want to feel obligated to doing some random thing for you down the road that will ultimately end up costing more in time and resources than what you did for me. You doing something for me that takes 10 minutes does not equate to me doing something for you that takes half an hour, two hours, etc. It seems relatively obvious that half an hour of my time is worth more than ten minutes of yours. It’s like you giving me a $10 gift card, with expectation that I will pay you $30 later. No matter how nice you are, you are still taking advantage of me, and I don’t appreciate it.

Putting My Feelings First

This part is a work in progress. A lot of the times, I will do things I don’t want to do, or not do things I want to do, all because I am considering someone else’s feelings before my own. After a nice, long writing session, I realized that approach was not working for me, as I have been missing out on things that I truly wanted to do. So now, I am working towards saying you know what, I want to do this. I’m not going to put it off or wait till later. Or, alternatively, I don’t want to do this, as in, it takes every bit of my emotional and mental stamina to survive this particular event. Why should I put myself through that kind of torture?

Considering the Best Approach

While the above situations have required or will require me to take the not nice as I generally am route, every situation really requires a lot of contemplation of what approach to use in order to get the best results.

• Will putting your foot down help the other party see your point of view?
• Will explaining your side of things make you feel better about the situation?
• Is it possible that positive change could happen?
• Is the person you are about to make your stand against responsible for the problem?
• Will taking a stand worsen the situation?
• Is there any form of retribution the other party may be able to take against you if things should go badly?

There are lots of considerations to make before choosing to make a stand, or standing down. Just be sure that you are doing what is in your best interest, as you are the one who has to live with the circumstances.

Blogging, Goals, and 101 Things

When setting goals, one of the most highly recommended things to do is to write your goals down. For someone like me, there are many, many ideas running around inside my mind, but not enough time to do them all.

In January, I posted an article, What Do I Want, where I answered this question in terms of goals and a vision that I had written in 2008. In the comments, one my readers, Kim of (Anti) Social Development gave me a link to 101 Strategy, which ultimately led me to the Day Zero Project, home of the 101 Things in 1001 Days.

The project is pretty straightforward. Create a list of 101 things that you want to do in 1001 days, or about 2.75 years. This seems like a reasonable length of time to turn ideas into goals, and to accomplish them.

Screenshot of Kikolani’s 101 Things

Since January, I have been on and off working on a sub-domain of this site, at Kikolani’s 101 Things. I have started my list of 101 things that I want to do, which is a little over 50% complete, and will continue to add to this list as time goes by. So far, the list covers goals in the following areas: personal, health, learning, home, financial, writing, creativity, blogging (of course), and travel. Then there is the #57 – 101 to be determined goals to follow.

The start date is April 25th of this year. I chose this date because this is the day I’ll be getting married. It is a start of a new life, and a perfect time to get things in order and start moving forward with the always loving support of my wonderful husband.

I believe that creating a blog with my goals will help me achieve them. As I have learned since creating this site, blogging can be a great tool for self-discovery. I will have a written list and a reasonable deadline to complete them, and will (hopefully) build a community that will keep me on track with the things I want to accomplish. I hope to network with others that are working on this project as well, or people who do some of the things in my list that could offer ideas or advice. I will update Kikolani’s 101 Things with any planning, mind maps, accomplishments, setbacks, etc. as they come along in relation to the goals on the list.

At Day Zero, there is a getting started guide, and at 101 Strategy, there is an article about how to start your own 101 project. The fifth step in the latter article is to be brave and tell someone, so I am telling all of you, my readers. I hope that, if any of you are working on this project, that you will let me know and join me on my mission to complete 101 things in 1001 days.

Do you use blogging for self-discovery, motivation, or goal setting? Feel free to share your experience in the comments. I am always open to new ideas, and inspiring success stories!

The Return of Sleep Paralysis

A while ago, I had written a poem about a sleep condition that I have on and off, sleep paralysis – a sensation where you feel like you are awake, and there is something or someone in the room with you that you fear, but your body and voice is paralyzed, so you are unable to escape or defend yourself. It has to do with the how the brain paralyzes your body while you are dreaming to prevent you from physically acting out your dreams, but sometimes doesn’t release the paralysis when you are awaking, or starts it too early when you are falling asleep. You then find yourself in a familiar place, like your bedroom or another area in your house, awake but not safe.

It has been awhile since I experienced it, but it has now resurfaced with a vengeance. One night in particular I had three episodes of it. Over the past few nights, there were two memorable episodes. The first felt like I woke up to the flash of a camera. Someone that I couldn’t see but I knew was there standing at the foot of our bed had just taken a picture of us, and I was certain that their next move was to kill us. I truly believed we were about to be murdered. In the second one, I awoke and was looking at the bedroom window. Through the blinds, I saw a figure in a baseball hat trying to pry the window open. Fortunately, my fiancé has been my knight in shining armor every time it happened, waking me up when I started twitching or making weird sounds, and then calming me down so I can go back to sleep, which is a difficult task considering I wake up in a mild panic attack.

So for those of you who have experienced this, here are a few things I have noticed that have coincided with the return of this for me, along with the ways out of it.

• Watching creepy movies is a definite trigger. I like scary, horror, thriller movies, and the return of my sleep paralysis came after the nights when I watched House of Wax, Taken, and Seven.
• One of the things I want to do most is try to move, hoping to get my mate’s attention, but the most movement that is noticeable no matter what I’m doing in my mind is twitching. What does work is trying to make a sound. It may not come out as loud as I want it, but it is more likely to get my rescuer’s attention. And in the past, when I was sleeping alone, the noise I made would sometimes snap me out of it.
• Contrary to the things I have read, sleeping on my back is not always the culprit. My last several episodes happened when I was sleeping on my side.
• There have been occasions when I realize I am going into a sleep paralysis hallucination as I’m falling asleep. It feels somewhat like I’m slipping into a black hole, almost like I’m forcibly being put to sleep. When I realize this, I focus on seeing a particular person, like my fiancé, someone I know wouldn’t hurt me so I wouldn’t have to fear him in my dreamlike state. It’s hard to do after I’ve had a recent episode the same night, as I’m already scared of falling asleep again in the first place. But sometimes, it works, and I pass that phase and fall into regular dreams again.

The following are some videos about sleep paralysis – what it is, and even how to learn to take control of the experience (including use of lucid dreaming techniques), something I will definitely work on if I continue having these experiences. If you experience sleep paralysis, or just find this interesting, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.